We only get to cook Turkey once a year, rest of the year may just feel like a turkey.

At present despite everything, that great big hill of hope feels so far away.

Thanks to `4 non blondes` and of course `the Psalmist`. 

It might feel like there is more than enough darkness to go around.

Had to pull over in my car journey as Sun pink and greyish coulers streaked across the morning sky, where the estuary meets the North sea entering a muddy swamp.

Pulled over prayed, hoping might communicate better with a troubled soul, spend far bit of time meeting.

You see a bit like this image Life not perfect its a bit fake.

Lovely food cooked brilliant. 

So Rightly have to accept things are different.

We only get to cook Turkey once a year, rest of the year may just feel like a turkey.

SO WHATS WITH ALL THE VIEWS 5K LAST FEW DAYS.

Not a single comment appeared, very little feed back, been wondering some ...scam... the protection in place, so just let you know...NO got no money to leave you. Don`t give to third world residents either. Sorry.

The journey, how is yours progressing?

It felt valuable, shopping for another cooking and Hoovered. Listened gave a hug, wee bit of advice. Collect from boots the pharmisist prescription.Spoke to nurses. Doctors admin. Cleaned urinal.Emptied bins.

You changed me, when simple guy at 17 stated ..."l will follow"...

You changed me, when a simple 17 year old working class male stated...

..."I believe"...

Still December 2023 from that day 1976. The journey goes on.

How are you in this period when avoid the consumerism, how are you?

When trying make sure others have a gift, Something to show you remember others.

How is it going! making time To be reflective?

The journey, how is yours progressing?

today was a `best day of the week` day.

This is something we look forward to at this time of the year, we have already finished with

Christmas , such as it will be, as it was, as it never will be...

the smaller birds like Russian sparrows, few pippins are making wee presence noises and flutter.

Larger birds been evident as the fields are flooded we catch some good views and watch all efforts in wind and on fields bushes.

There this engagement as l creep into my sons world a quiet hostage as they talk about excitement. Then all get visible excited about creature flutters into camera view and across the Bird watching hut.

Something exotic appears a spoon bill...wow not seen a Bird like this since...(well l wont go there).

Egrets and green backs, a Northern diver in the harbour, Kittie -Wakes are noisy.

So geekism, so Big Bang Theory.

So wonderful, So Human, so exciting. The gathering comes together sharing past stories and next place, flight patterns Good bacon buttie places.

Later we are in the quiet sunshine on a deserted Harbour.
This makes me more Poorly but LIFE lived. Best life that day.

Pushing a wheelchair with weighty middle aged man, Vulnerable poorly struggling, But today was a `best day of the week day`. That's all need to hear. Smile eat some chips, Head home.

There has been a serious decline in the numbers of many birds, including the Song Thrush, Skylark, Lapwing and House Sparrow. This decline has been gradual. Most of the declining species are farmland birds. Woodland species like Blue Tit, Nuthatch and Great Spotted Woodpecker are still on the Green list of least conservation concern. 

Join half a million nature lovers this January and help us understand how birds are faring. Together, let's make it count.

Why these over paid prima donnas are openly worshipped.

 Brentford defender Ben Mee's sending off in the 71st minute sparked the Villa turnaround as Alex Moreno (77) cancelled out Keane Lewis-Potter's first-half opener (45).  Watkins then scored an 85th-minute header which was followed by a celebration that saw him stand inside the goal and point at a Brentford supporter in the home end causing a melee between the two sides.

What shocked me to the core was the thuggery supplied by Wright (Thug) and Shearer(Girlie Thug)..BBC MOD. Watkins was unprofessional and cowardly.

Both pundits on BBC flagship MOD, Match of the day. no one argued that this would be inflammatory but instead laughed joked and stated they have also would do the same.

You see its those hidden little things about own behaviour which questions why these over paid prima donnas are openly worshipped.

We allow,enjoy accept they entertain. Football does but who changed the price tags. While further promoted these individuals to a former God like status.

 "There was one person abusing me all game, the celebration wasn't to anyone else but him... Football's football, you can have a bit of banter but not when it's personal"

But your paid so much more for the value of being in that position. You had already scored what could be better then rubbing his face in it that way.

However again we witnessed that thuggery of hob carrier and fence painters, putting their 2p worth in when it wasn't their place.

Also showed what many knew, when rub the polish away the real thuggery of these pundits shines threw.

How do people of Faith living in a furnace operate ?

I picked up a book that talks about Christianity under some persecution.

Some have to hold their Faith in the midst of indignity , hatred spit at them daily. Actual violence in a furnace called the Middle East, often in our news.

Ask myself How do people of Faith living in such a furnace operate with compassion.?

Like you experience Drama when cut off in traffic ! When l discover others LIFE lived in real persecution. Moves me 

Moves me to explore how l can live better, show my faith makes a Difference. More committed to Kingdom principles of Jesus.

Is that the furnace similar to the one Daniel operated in, all those thousand's of decades ago.?

Can these murmurs bring us to behave with more grace?

We will be more Spirit filled?

In our community development among families, settings, relationships.

Can we behave with more tolerance?

How should such change reflect in our wider society interaction?

Bring them home.

Apparently so have recently discovered, posters pictures, of hostages not allowed to be displayed.

One religious group have complained.

Again loud minority, got the result.

This is how they start stopping democracy.

We wanted `Shalom at Christmas`, but saw through peacemakers disguise.

But `floor walking` in shops, is very much less. Also noticed many not buying. Certainly feels colder. Very chilly.

Seen lot of friends recently, which very much enjoyed. Further grateful for relationships in present community.

We have a thing recognised as Local poverty. Linked to where you are born or live. Add to that lack of unity and solidarity.

Unity is some things we agree upon.

Solidarity could be described as,` what happens when we unite, fight common issues`. one result is we sometimes in difficulties, Work together because have too.

Can't skate away on a frozen River.

Those who find this season Rush.

Plus those who want to retreat but cannot .

Few who still believe he will return one day.

Perhaps your finding 'hard to believe in father Christmas', because even that a lie.

May be ill, feel hard to go on.

Put yourself in my place ..KEVIN...once angry teenager on Harry Enfield show, even a rat with Roland.

Last few years a festive Carrot.

I just....life feels harder this period,But can't skate away on a frozen River.

Must,Should, carry on believing tha peace came and visited. Empty stall to Empty blood stained cross.

Life given for us, that the belief l hold onto each day. Different way, better way.

Sad to hear last week of the death of the mighty, Benjamin Zephaniah .

When we rose up the land was bare,

when pure beginnings filled the air,

We stood upright and walked the same

when this great planet had no name.

We saw the land, we saw the seas,

and endless possibilities,

to speak of what existence is

we then developed languages.

We built houses from sticks and mud,

raised animals that chewed the cud.

We tilled the land and sowed the seeds,

we raised the crops, controlled the weeds,

we saw lightning when we gazed higher,

we saw light, and created fire.

We took all our skills and families

and created our communities.

With paintings, poems, verse and song

we made our spirits wise and strong.

With science, and reason, we were

enlightened;

our senses were truly heightened.

When we built ships and learned to sail

it’s true to say we did prevail.

Our will and our imaginations

constructed jobs, cities, and nations

I was only listening to BBC Radio 4 his desert island discs few days later he died of a Tumor. Deeply moved myself. he was such a down to earth ,natural person with a spirit. Of course he was a poet. But beautiful innocence around him. When saw him on high brow question time politics plus issue based stuff. He was grounded.

Further he was Faith person regular at Greenbelt.

Here a bit more connecting with my thoughts around Nature and soul

from the great ,man Benjamin Zephaniah a mighty human being.

Unleash the righteous thinking mind.

Unleash the good within mankind.

Unleash the youth who could with care

rebuild our lives and clean the air.

Let us not dig for negatives -

let’s reach out for alternatives.

Breathe in my people, save the whale,

touch the trees, and then… exhale

This is from the poem used in Future Visions and widely used on Planet Earth also by WWF etc. Catch images on youtube channels.

Good, should not, be left undone.

            Good, should not, be left undone.

Life is about journey that involves always relationships. Don’t want any to forget sometimes that includes people experiencing problems.

I heard something disturbed me about voluntary, youth project some lady new to volunteering with children and youths.

She has stated few times…” Since we stopped all trouble makers coming the Club lot better”…

If only LIFE could be that simple, any we don’t like, disagree with, problematic ones, those not in our social class or grouping. Or our ethnic grouping, age ways,You get the picture.

Biggest question for me is how did bunch of people get to running youth provision. 

East Riding got lot to answer for. Recognise this behaviour as quite cohesive. But when that person and Husband got around 9 failed marriages. Wonder honesty ,really do. What moral compass do they guide themselves by?

Cohesive behaviour been many decade journey. Got stuck in that place. Light can’t get through. Simply cannot shine here 

But something strange because others witness, comment about action plus behaviour. Too uncomfortable to challenge. Also something witnessed before. Project middle class ,’value platform’. Clothes, homes , shopping trends, leadership role in Church.

Seen this behaviour it's cohesive, hungry for power' that comes with discipline problem', people hurt damaged by this unprofessional conduct.

They get away with excluding others by projecting false ideals. ‘Look at us our nice manners.’

Those excluded for trivial behaviour get labelled further edged out. Problem behaviour such as what l've witnessed is recognised far bigger issue than might actually be. Issue children face, don’t get addressed.

But worse older adults who had track record ,themselves are broken damaged, relationships they develop, allow them to hide that away.

Own behaviour goes unchallenged. As the journey develops it continues. 

When l have forged relationships with so called ‘problem people', discovered two things. Often miscommunication is key factor. Behind problematic behaviour is behaviour we could exhibit.

They get away with excluding others by projecting false ideals. ‘Look at us our nice manners.

Nature, again.

In nature find distress and turmoil.

Discover beauty, wonder. I engage, breathe differently.

By Breathe must explain, of course perhaps l do operate more relaxed. But mean in very broadest sense, my whole being holistically, sense everything getting better.

Way Look at others when returned from nature, well with more warmth. Working with young people, they behave more relaxed.

We all engage differently. For some when its first steps away from culture, (Whatever that may be), sometimes they are fearful.

Of course not saying there is not wildlife, Botanical interest and nice views in city.

Gasp,  perhaps just inside, internal. At images, coulers sounds. There is life, we feel alive.

Returned focused so differently. Thoughts are clearer all around the images sing a narrative, Some sights are like a reward. Walks become rewards for the uphill damp struggle.

That warm cup of Bovril enriches nourishes a troubled soul.

Take a trip into nature experience more than these humble findings.

Most of  all thank the creator.

MUTE these losers in the game.

It always nice on Cards, in reality it's grey, wet slushy. Leeds city centre today met friends lot of discussion. But driving away what l best remember was how natural it was to hug.

How natural it felt to laugh.

Yes people grown, children now a teenager so awkward and self aware.

Yet they were first to hug, smile, embraced.

Then City streets, guys attempting 'Rap music', the bravery creation and commitment  to mission. These things gave me hope.

Milion miles away Hatred is expressed by followers of another Religious belief system. Because they have lost.

We muted them, because we all know that the cross,with it's shame, pain, Blood, demonstrates LOVE WINS.

What does that image form in your relationship with spirituality.?

How does the cross impact what you believe about LOVE ?

 

Fields like overflowing Baths.

Traveling around our flat county in East riding , Most Views are of flooded acres.  Drains with banks busted overflowing into fields.
Pretty disheartening. Grey Cold, damp miserable. Concerning, like a bath overflowing no where for excessive down pours to retreat.

Christmas is a pagan holiday.

 Christmas is a totally pagan holiday. We nicked it, should give it back.

Here some theology and discussion to think about.......Bible informs me and you that... Archangel Gabriel told Mary that Elizabeth was six months pregnant with John (Lk 1:36), which means the Annunciation occurred March 25, as we celebrate. Nine months from March 25, or six months from June 24, (John the Baptist birthday.) would present the birth of Christ at Dec. 25.

Constantine legalized Christianity in 313. There a statue of him in York, round the corner, well bit further from where l am sat at present.

Then in 12th century we find first suggestion that Jesus’ birth celebration was deliberately set at the time of pagan feasts. Christmas is pagan actually comes from fundamentalist writers, they enjoyed Pagan concept idea and ran with it.

The three kings were proper hard B`S and some of them were women, so its best to stick with wise crowd, Zoroastrians was the tribe they came from.

Worth looking that tribe up. l think we could say they were the first real believers.

But l urge you to forget all that, get Glass JD, record match of the day, put on Joni Mitchell's..The river, Follow that with Greg Lakes, l believed in Father Christmass. 

Make sure all you love have enough food and something to open, often wrap up presents using Aldi mag, its original anyway.
Enjoy the day, pause and thank God for all you have, plus hold dear,
Maybe grab warm coat─ walk along a lake with Hot Bovril.
but most of all ignore the greed.

I wish I had a river

I could skate away on

I wish I had a river so long

I would teach my feet to fly

Oh, I wish I had a river

I could skate away on

Noise and movement more my spiritual leanings.

Coldest period of the year. Struggled to get warm. Last few jobs of year paper work, one meeting ahead, expenses to be sent in.

Medical options being thoughtfully examined.

Like many rurally things slowed down.

Since pandemic life quieter. More isolation evident. Living life of roaming in mission, bit cut off from previous colleagues. But communication taking place.

Already feel LIFE closed down for the year. 

Water in field topped up like a bath.

Drain and river's broken bank doesn't look good.

Reminded myself that this morning spiritual practice wasn't of my liking.

Required, one word central prayer.

Silence was achieved, but due to my practice, further, my actual being, capable of that. Noise and movement more my spiritual leanings.

Walk differently, breathe.

Sea is rough, Sleet came down, showers ended. There was blue in Sky. Temperature risen slightly. Joni Mitchell singing. The river..as we drove. 

It's coming on Christmas

They're cutting down trees

They're putting up reindeer

And singing songs of joy and peace

Oh, I wish I had a river

I could skate away on

But it don't snow here

It stays pretty green

Fix your mind on nature, breathe different.
Listen to view of a poet, expressing lyrics better. 
Be exposed to force of the season.
Simply being elsewhere with other thoughts, close family and tracks of music.
God is here, paused waiting to be listened too.

So breathe better, the mad rush is not waiting for us. Be peaceful perhaps you can retreat. 
Perhaps others want to see if any will not be involved in such a rush to show greed at present time 
Perhaps you need to listen to some lyrics. Take some time out. Just a morning.
Spiritual you will be grateful. Dare l suggest some healing will occur.

Gratitude coldness, nature, people. awful lot to be grateful about, also spiritually warming. Enjoy LIFE.

Today as l drove the winter chill had made each tree such a beautiful image of harshness of these present cold days.
Birds were falling around as they attempted run off in Icy conditions.
Humans were wrapped up in layers of clothing, struggling to keep warm and perhaps keeping all sorts of issues breathing internally.
The calm water of the North sea looked like you would die within minutes of falling into its depths.
Beach was covered in strange yellowish couler as Flakes of snow settled on salty sandy area.
Breathe, from my mouth was greyish and floated into sky.
Like many put the heating on and warmed myself with a cup of tea,

Had a visit to my son earlier, we talked as got his shopping list together. Added his `China real `, take away order.
As departed to drive home , my last view was of him, Matthew warm eating his, `fried rice mushroom beef chow mien`.

LIFE simply can be just getting by in present journey.
There is dramatic health news, but many are not able to be in simple mode you and l are experiencing. Sorry if not that for yourself.
Yes want some economic and work drama. But gratitude for coldness, nature, people. 

That's awful lot to be grateful about, also spiritually warming.

 Wrapped my snug into my neck pulled my collar up . Then the rain sleet began to fall, me shot off the beach ,then hurried home.

 Enjoy LIFE.

Really cold.

Reminder of warmer days, along meadows, watching rare animals live.
Matty in his wheelchair enjoying odd day out. Delivery Practioner don't like him having occasion as they feel, he should go to hospital each day if he gets to places like this!
Biting cold, buses not running, conversation Warm me up.
Not risen above 01.5 today.

(which is Hospital day 14-38 investigation, BUT consultation at 08-45,)

The basic social security rate is at the lowest level in real terms for 40 years, and "our unemployment pay is the stingiest in western Europe". Yet amid a brutal cost-of-living crisis, hundreds of thousands of disabled people have been told to look for work they can do from home, or face having their benefits cut by £4,680 a year.

But l got real issue relating to my cardiac issues so not going to worry.

However there is a debate happening in crisis we are facing about economic well being.

Uncooperative, wonder what that actually means how would that be measured?

Welfare claimants could, OR may be stripped not just of their benefits.

Which sounds oppressive, cruel plus harsh, in itself, but also their right to free prescriptions, plus bus passes. Even if these measures could be applied in practice, it's hard to see them proving that effective. Recognise some people are abusing a system. May lead to social unrest, which may ask harder questions of service providers.?

Sometimes you just got to wrap up, hustle down and watch a good movie, went for... `To catch a thief`!... but still intrigued myself, bit of `Hitchcock` for the coldest night  in flat on the coast.

To Catch a Thief is a 1955 American romantic thriller film directed by Alfred Hitchcock, from a screenplay by John Michael Hayes based on the 1952 novel of the same name by David Dodge.[3] The film stars Cary Grant as a retired cat burglar who has to save his reformed reputation by catching an impostor preying on wealthy tourists (including an oil-rich widow and her daughter played by Grace Kelly) on the French Riviera.

The cold snap, Presently experiencing will continue into Sunday which is when due to take Matty , (my son), out in his wheel chair. Before l hope, beginning to ease. Freezing conditions will persist overnight, snow turning to rain by mid-morning – Some experts on TV suggested snow could persist over higher ground in the East Riding.

It will be slightly warmer on Sunday afternoon, with temperatures reaching 3C. Monday, (which is Hospital day 14-38 investigation, BUT consultation at 08-45,) back to the weather. Monday is likely to see heavy rain showers, with temperatures rising to a maximum of 6C.

December is a feeling of isolation,poverty in rural north

December has arrived with biting cold, minus degree temperature. Strange desire to avoid Others attempt to stay warm.

The Chill factore on East coast in UK makes chill more biting. Went into Cafe chatted had Burger chips.

Still people are not venturing into community like previous, fear is spoken about. The lack of diversity clear and obvious in our rural seaside town 

Brazing walk caused self reflection.

The isolation, lack of education, limited employment. Although strikingly clear.

Poverty is as biting as the chill factor.

But also evident lack of social services.

Detachment, isolation, poverty factors excist rural.

Winter is not just a cold month, its a feeling evident in social structure. 

 

What l struggle with is the` faith leaving`, issue so evident in deconstruction.

Deconstructing what we’ve been taught, is evident in some circles where the `gathering`, only white middle class and educated `assemble`.

Well they don't gather, nor do they assemble. 

They communicate by TIC TOC, ZOOM, etc..

Because, going to be frank here, feel having spoken to some, struggle with face to face contact. — Deconstructing is a painstaking process that often leads to the rejection of religion altogether.

Which then leads to more isolation, detachment broad ethical delimas. Found sadly those l have counselled.

Bitter reflection on felt treatment in Church.

Last night as l return to some Normal `Kevin behaiour` , did walk therapy with a ex college. they stated.

"Had to say this...Do you think l did right thing"?

It is not important what l feel around the comments made.

What I am about to describe is simply critical thinking.

The value is we discussed, l counselled, we could by our movements ,face contours, tone of words, pauses, body speaking, assess more then the words.

Often people leave a gathering because they, `FEEL` something around way they are perceived, understood, thought about. Which often does not exist, nor is it the intended case.

“Question what you believe while continuing to believe what you are questioning.” 

Is what we must do while keeping in mind that when we are continuing in Fellowship, worship, gatherings for cuppa, being part of the faith family. We all are growing and developing.

Mistakes especially in relationships will arise. If often FEEL uncomfortable, its normal. But if it becomes a burden go else where.

What l struggle with is the `faith leaving` issue, so evident in deconstruction movement. Small as Nomadic, deconstruction is. Losing ones religion, that is a common thread and theme.

Let's give pink custerd and Hope opportunity.

What the Christmassy song go like...

By a Liverpool poet who was shot Dead. ,"All we are saying is give peace a chance".

Again and again, as nurse said last week. ...'Always people are trying to take others land, their property, things they hold'...

Prayers taken over the TV News in my home. Prayers been offered for all people in the latest War.

Hope, in that great big hill we must walk.

Don't forget means you are part of that journey, find a way of being hopeful in your own place, your own home, relationships.

Because that Hope seeks out into all areas of environment. Like pink custard on chocolate pudding you know the one.

(Nearly bought some in town yesterday).

It sinks into the hard crust, but you need more pink custard. Eventually get spoon through.

Honestly that what hope does, it gets into all areas. Don't give up on Hope for peace.

God bless.

Deeper, but still celebratory.

Yes guess with so much Hospital plus poor health increased. Maybe coming across too deep, reflective, further know in general, too much have pondered.

But life at my age has to be some kind of celebration. Attempted to live at peace along with grace offered. Internally become self nurturing.

 (l think).

Experienced love of another, A close mega special relationship.

Overcome brokenness, strived overcome obstacles of unjustified Economic 'not so we'll being'.

Empowered others. Shielded some.

Long hours on street corners. Residential experiences. Cried and hugged oppressed.

Mainly in LIFE, walked on the clifftops where there is more danger. But views are better. Music, been listened too, DJ so others could dance.

Shared in visionary way my faith.

But hope always been, trying, to do it differently, to do it better, to do it the Kingdom of Jesus way.

The laughter. Hope leave long periods where others heard the laughter. Celebrate me in those ways.

 

Becoming more normalise.

Slowly been taking dressings off, eating more like l do, sleeping bit longer. Feeling like me. Stopped then cancelled task today, visited sick son. Bills and threats from local Authority ,relating to council Tax were opened. Got writing pad out to make a list.

The war ceased for short time.Abuse of others stepped up.The Xmas rush speeded up, Prices rose a bit higher, listen to some music new to me, but one track is reworking of another.

Detroit spinners ‘Sadie’,reworked by James Taylor on Album covers.

Prayed as is normal, observed some Bible made plans.

All the time aware that time is short ,the things need to say must be said, who knows honestly,”Where the time goes?"

————-This helps me reflect on the reason for this season————-

We want the throne of power.

God arrives in a manger

We want generals.

Angels call shepherds.

We want religious uniformity.

Zoroastrian Magi come.

We want political uniformity.

Foreign kings gather.

We want a warrior prince.

Jesus comes as the prince of peace.

HAVE SOME FUN AND RELAXATION..STAY IN TOUCH.

 

SPENDING TIME JUST SITTING ALONE WITH GOD. BEEN TAKING SOME TIME TO SHARE MY HEART WITH GOD

BEEN THINKING ABOUT. WHAT DO I LOVE DOING, 

BUT ALSO WHAT I AM DREADING?

pretty aware am fortuNATE had lot of health issues, time not on my side.

truth is like old northern souls song says..time is passing me by..

anyway bit of normality ENTERED , this DAY. going to depart, catch you all soon.

HAVE SOME FUN AND RELAXATION..STAY IN TOUCH.

Not a good patient.

Good news going home this evening.

Can't wait to be home.

Challenge news is some major surgery required soonish.
 

Not much on TV anyway. Actually been  feeling tense.

Stress levels or knowing unpleasant experience is ahead.

Not a good patient.

In my mind ,drifting, could be the meds.

In my mind keep going on trip to That island in the sun. You know the one.

Still waiting gowned up on my bed. Unable to get blood from me yesterday took ten attempts. Fasting the bloody killer. When in someone’s else’s care it not easy to be comfortable and calm.

Internally l am wrecked , but projecting different image.Sometimes we have too.

DDA News.

Disability News Service has obtained a copy of a report about the difficulty of claiming UC, which the DWP have fought to keep secret for four years. The report concludes that the design of universal credit “is inadequate for vulnerable groups” who therefore need extra help from staff through adjustments and specialist support.

Suns out .. stuck for words.

Anyway in Hospital, long day so far! Three words they say to describe your feelings today..

Fearful...a little....

Reflective...often am....

Vulnerable....when in others skill sector.

Anyway took your picture down off the TV. Be bit daft if don't make it, explaining it's presence there.

Struggled today because got to let them know they missed something,(which now they admitted). But l told them.

Suns out.....

FUSION REQUIRED

 l need to expand the group of people, that am gathering among.
So has to include those who bring fresh perspectives, can disagree with. Feel uncomfortable among.
Mostly it is found that when this happens ,myself perhaps you also we often stimulate creativity, develop better understanding, read more varied way, reflect internally in different ways.

Fusion works in Music, in Films, look at how it improves sonic,style,delivery. 

Also networking as community worker my practice better improved with variety of people contribution.

In Rural community l personally feel suffer because of lack of coulers blending 

Of course as we are finding out when we don't the very opposite happens and hate among other things grows.

Some aren't privileged as me.

Coastal dash before Hospital, my heart is failing more than estimated,further medical intervention more urgent.

So looking at harbour filled with high tides, empty of People. As lights for season get turned on. Feast of Christmas's approaches.

Already 'Rush', is evident, alongside the emptiness. People Rushing to be doing, spending,saving,bargain hunting, collecting of thing's.

We drank warm cups chocolate, ate bacon sandwich watched ... Wagtails, slight owl, harbour ducks, cormorant,

 

 

Now idle boats with Lobster quarters filled, the season is closed.

Spoke about if worse happens. Discovered the late letter for NHS which came yesterday.

So hence the rush to be at the harbour.Desire to remain apart from decision.

Gratitude for those care for me, those who will look after me, those whose work includes a service for my ills health concerns and other benefits l am privileged to accept.

Yet some today don't receive like myself. Thy are suffering, kidnapped, held in prison.

Yet some today don't write on this blog,  they write names on hands in case a explosive strikes.

Yet some today don't receive any warm drinks or food. Yet some today don't get benefits l am privileged to receive.

Sometimes in my foolishness l forget my privilege.

God bless you for reading these words. May you receive same privilege as me further, more beyond.

Some words hiding the hope.

The 'News channels 'in our home is on mute more into the 'Style council', vinyl offering ..played on my record player a coffee and book to start my day.

Feel like a bit of a coward.

But need to preserve my self.

Words used on TV are heavy.

Tales of suffering...Conflict in strong narrative... oppression of two tribes.

War.Death.Grim totals. Victims.

Protest, disruption, anger, Hatred all visible, further on display.

But hope is that despite ignorance on display. A better Different way is there!  When got tired and spent all that anger.

Love wins. When you are ready.

Letter arrived ..it seams my Heart failure based on result's has-been  under assessed.

.

Don't think latest planned procedure going to work . No one's listening.

Today Been pre operation discussion but unsure if, nurse heard my comments.

You see they going to operate again.

Become pretty tired and too much travel to appointments 

Done all stress testing.

Did the resting/chill testing. Pain coming bit to often and relief having Tobe accessed too often.

That in itself makes me more ill. 

Anyway when it goes quite, just away all my wisdom will return. If goes quite for too long. 

Been good knowing you all. Sing hallujah anyway.

This loud wicked terror that's gripped the news.

...."lt will pass".... Love wins. 

Hospital Tuesday early. Drop few blog pages before then.