All Losers in the rungs of failing ladder of NHS.

Been ill for best part of two weeks.

Two loads of anti biotics ..several hospital visits 2 Doctors surgery. No real answers.

The issue came to prominent 13 days ago. But mixed up wrong advice not been helpful.

Wondering from also discussion 'How many others experiencing the same worries.

Economic poverty and 'Poverty by location', played big part in illness plus recovery or further relapse.

Discussion recently identified with family and friends, agree those working in health care, are fed up with NHS. Its treatment of them as service providers. They feel undervalued, attacked, and frustrated.

Service users not been good or positive experience. All Losers in the rungs of failing  ladder of NHS.

No rungs,` marked Success` on failure ladder of NHS. Admin workers way is not presenting any way to uplift. 

Investing time with others .

 It will be spring soon—

And I, whose childhood

Is a forgotten boredom,

Feel like a child

Who comes on a scene

Of adult reconciling,

And can understand nothing

But the unusual laughter,

And starts to be happy.

Philip Larkin

Just had really rewarding day with some of old boxing Chum's from Albemarle Park ABC in Hull.
Drink, fellowship and friendship.
Danny, Johnny H, Dave coach, Terry, Melvin W, Mark P, Ali, Andy H, others.
Worth such investment of time. Yeah it was bit good old days. But not seen some for 25 years plus. Maybe 30.
That's happiness.
Still feeling very ill. Hospital yesterday brought back trauma of MDW last days, way, NHS neglected my son.

Who now has the Authority, a crucified Criminal proclaiming 'Love Wins'

        Time just sit ponder and reflect upon the Cross. The Good Friday event, that turns upside down how World turns. 

Turned upside down .Who now has the Authority, a crucified Criminal proclaiming 'Love Wins'.

Encourage all ,if you are able to understand the message of Easter events. How we live LIFE today.

While not limiting God to our selective image further limited wonder. It's all within our grasp and understanding.

But also large ,Cosmic,huge and presently beyond what we can comprehend.

Love Wins ...blood bleeds,Life passes, Love Wins.

Prince of peace and Easter egg with hot cross bun, after little reflection! Anyone joining me.?

The prime minister said it was “beyond alarming” voters had backed a candidate who “dismisses the horror of what happened on October 7”, when Hamas murdered 1,200 people in Israel.

In the UK we well that's not we, Rochdale.That a place where `grooming gangs sexually` exploited girls (mostly aged 12 -15 from Social services homes). When exposed mainly arriving at court,it was confirmed they came from, `Muslim community original from an certain area in Pakistan`.

Rochdale elected a loud mouth coward whose reputation for deceit and shameful dialogue, been exposed several times over many years including very recently.

PUTIN. Wasn't there a time when we had this lot locked up and resigned to the dustbin of history, special department where mistakes we dare not repeat are featured.

Vladimir Putin has once again threatened to nuke the West if NATO military airfields are used by Ukraine to store warplanes.

Its an Easter tradition but l do not understand why, but happens in my Local City.Which really has little culture to interest many but here goes with Hull V  Hull K R Rugby.

A pundit Wilkin ? sorry cant help anyone here. has taken aim at Hull FC’s ‘painful’ demise over the last few years, but he still hasn't written them off for an unlikely derby win this Easter,  joined by Sam Tomkins to preview the Good Friday clash, with Hull KR starting as overwhelming favourites.

Got family, neighbours, and friends, to wind up next few days about this sporting event which will divide.

NEWS ITS ALL PRETTY macho MUSCLE DIVIDING AND UNPEACEFUL STUFF TO EXPLORE. NOT REALLY ANYTHING THAT WRESTLE WITH DAILY.

Prince of peace and Easter egg with hot cross bun, after little reflection ...anyone joining me.? 

Tend the sick, Lord Christ; give rest to the weary,

 

“Keep watch, dear Lord, with those who work, or watch, or weep this night, and give your angels charge over those who sleep. Tend the sick, Lord Christ; give rest to the weary, bless the dying, soothe the suffering, pity the afflicted, shield the joyous; and all for your love’s sake. Amen.”

― Phyllis A. Tickle.

From the heart of Kevin presently feeling very poorly.

You see others been were l am now so sharing this with you, course welcome blessings. but when this has past.

Please Lord quickly. serve to remind where l am at this moment.

Fabricating outrage out of next-to-nothing is a very 21st century method. Like Hot cross buns, What we call Easter eggs. It more of Fake news promote arguments. Also can be used embarrass the Faith community of followers of Jesus.
So being Christians, let's not end up looking bit stupid and silly, enabling others in our community to confirm their worst stereotypes. 
That's us plum speaking, bearded, middle class while moral gatekeepers. Felling Angry.

You...How's it going with You. How is it happening at present?

You...How's it going with You.

How is it happening at present?

Shall l start. Well very poorly all sorts happening with my health. That's been coming since.... Saddest day.....14th February. But this resulted in lot of discomfort no sleep for 10 days massive medical but nothing helping.

Sad ...perhaps reality hards to accept.

That's about enough from me, torn at present. Torn, drained and poorly.

You..... gotta ask, You...How's it going with You?

How is it happening at present?

Take some time....

I thrive on conversations, communication and community.

Where we talk, discover about different views we hold. Way in which get accepted because others understand me.

Fact. This will take time, all should make effort,then we develop, further  all grow not least because simply accept any difference. But equality takes place as learn about others plus lived experiences. Nothing based on gender, religion, or couler.

We not been able to construct, social mobility. Also keep people imprisoned. A new style of Ghettos where lack of engagement.

Lack of all the above.Break out The Ghetto.Be Radical. Keep listening to each other.

Trapped in Sunday that's so mondaine.

Unable to connect with family member whose being bit silly ,rundown worn out tired from Heart condition.

Add to that several issues at work which are thoughtless. So will exercise grace try to get better understanding.

Been lot of communication about the Late Matthew David Waller. Doesn't help using legal term. Trying to arrange positive beautiful way of Thanksgiving. For his 'unique special beautiful' LIFE. Also remember his gifts.

Hoping this week can get better health.

Finish all Legality around death of loved son. Loved and Missed.

Also wondering why two people Loved most, such depth are not in my LIFE. Emerging into end of my Autumn in few months l will legally get to retirement. May just withdraw a little, and reflect. Perhaps travel a bit more.

Me making plans, see how that one works out.

Will there be movies, hamburgers and hills to sit on just waste time chatting in Heaven ?.

Picked up an illness and my heart is compromised.

Feeling very ill 

Perhaps one of those days when 'old movie', help a person find solace, comfort,plus relieve the boredom.

Where do you turn when want to escape from mundane.? 

Will there be movies, hamburgers and hills to sit on just waste time chatting in Heaven ?

Hope so but so little hinted at ..Jesus hardly mentioned afterlife. Some Churches it the only theology they present, easy route ,avoids hard stuff around 'OT' prophets like Isaiah, Jeremiah .

Constant call to Urban lifestyle.

Brandy...honey..lemon... sleep.

How are You?

Greatness.

Simply not sure great faith is a trophy hold aloft, to say look at me...look at me...got this ..l am a Champion.

Perhaps we are better being so subtle, that others make that conclusion, or question us about our difference.

Not Badge wearer, not T-shirt statement wearer. Just hold Faith as a value.,

It still taking lot of getting used too.

Losing Matthew David my son, perhaps my best friend. Keep looking for signs about what l knew, what l missed. But still say ,"goodnite son." Don't send him a text. Still say," Hello in morning". 

  That day we said goodbye ,it didn't seam like End. But death came rushing visited us, you l think knew more. I missed it, but already said Goodbye . Sadness came towards me, realised that there are some types of people we met that day. Among 'living Angelic', who are familiar with dying and death, they guided us, then found my sense of God being close would be tested. 

I'm trying to answer this.....!

So when the question is asked about -Why is Faith of followers of Jesus failing?

What does failure look like!

Be careful we not just hurting each other,' Bride of Christ' in our answer.

Better question has to be ..

Are Christians relevant to Community?

Do we have different way to process issues, worries and concerns?

That Gets My juices flowing,

Makes me come alive, strive to answer!

Hi.

Between the first Hello and that last Goodbye.

Hope that the space, between the two is filled with love.

ME...l retired and went to bed.

 

About to hit coastal promenade, grab some milk, few work related issues.

The mondane essential, pragmatic essential. Milk, T-Bags, mackerel and crusty bread, few Tomatoes not growing our own at present.

Adjust medical prescription. Whole LIFE going on, do we take for granted the everyday purpose? 

I appear to do!, Hopefully we can recognise how 'super spiritual stuff' happens with everyday nature.

Holistic ,(that emotional,physical, leisurely and spiritual), are all interwoven. LIFE happening.

We saw to little degree sadly what happens when community goes wrong. I am outsider generally to the Club ,drinking culture. Beer, vulgar swearing, followed by loudness. All coming from the ST Patrick's gathering.

This is ugly side of community. Bit where people follow, No Leadership, lack of purpose and actually compromise. The drink became the focus,ugly political sentiment became expressed.

Result impacted others, spoilt the occasion. That's part of the parimid of community.

Yet at BOCCIA club we laughed and shared. Nearby others appears to be  spoiling for something?

ME...l retired and went to bed.

We are all connected.

Been with old friends had slight sojourn. Honestly did me Good, but despite distance, present stress trauma losing a family member been at times closer.

Hearts mend, time heals. Walking lot.

Suppose others are who we need to process whole of Life among.

In grief, and joy. 
Today's celebrate St Patrick's day. It's the mundane along with the spiritual.
However there is type of Spirit more evident. As 'outsider generally', to these events still like the joys. OK with others and way they go about the event.
Interesting that the day although Irish in tradition, Paddy`s not a Irish guy.
One of my precious friends very instrumental in bringing others into event. Been nice witnessing him getting older person out for first time in quite a while.
So sense of 'Others' doing community. Still gathering, coming together, sense of belonging.

Just miss a lot our little chats.

Had few tears today Matthew. Weekend often so special. Heart breaks as hear your voice,

' Might do justice to a Yorkshire Breakfast'.

As we drove to the coast. Now car stays put, get longest bus rides, sit alone. Tell you stuff. Oh yeah don't get to 'our places' presently, not yet anyways.

Miss your botanical views on plants, names of birds,(told you about White wagtails ),ideas for music. Just seams such a waste you not being here Matty. So much want tell you about. Son, go on admit was right about how much "you'd be missed".

Here's why Love Wins through.

I have friends who are from different places.
They share different narratives.
Journeyed through difficulty this stumbling guy, not able to fully understand.
Recently spent beautiful moments quietly listening to different expressions of encounters that not been easy.
Remembered with one, difficult imprisonment, hard period, led to attempt at suicide.

Heard about thankfulness of simple walk in sunny park, tough issue sending money to troubled family members in west of place in middle East.
Seen new friendships expressions of gratitude, also had grief shared with others who lost a daughter, Brother, close friend, all too young.

l Believe all coulers will blend into one.

Believe Love wins. WHY.

Because encounters shared, experiences better understood, trauma overcome, loved one memory cherished. Still in darkest saddest period. Love, kindness compassion, and grace. Still are shown. That's why Love wins.

Different, becoming different

Some people go through life not engaging with bigger stuff. But if that's place they can live being happy. People like myself have to be with them in such contentment.

Just because l have different sense of focus, doesn't mean my way is incorrect nor that others is correct. Just different.

Let's be happy with difference, be happy others are content . Be kinda sojourner. Just been away. Had to be, although done this sadness of last month now become part of my nature.

Long rugged saltpans vast acepaleo of space, sat in group conversation. Mind flitting to memory. Administration tasks fulfilled. Interrupted by trivializing tasks. Don't feel like obliging people with information. Grateful to be included in gathering.

Glad able to be alone at times. LIFE going on but so different. Process will take rest of next few years to fully grasp.

Feeling Old.

You know that old trees just grow stronger, and old rivers grow wilder every day.

Old people just grow lonesome, So if you're walking down the street sometime

And spot some hollow ancient Eyes. Please don't just pass 'em by and Stare, if you didn't care, say, "Hello in there, hello"

Just a pilgrim.

In loss of loved person may feel in some ways like this...'Time sometimes appears on hold, Life no meaning. Tears arrive floods of emotions, tiredness perhaps pain .Practical stuff arrived both a requirement plus responsibility . Memories catch you out.'

No Disney movie, no comic book narrative, LIFE waiting for you. Life.

This is the greatest gift God can give you: to understand what happened in your life. ...

"All The people you meet here have one thing to teach you"That there are no random acts. That we are all connected. That you can no more separate one life from another than you can separate a breeze from the wind."

"Each affects the other and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one."
"The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone."

"That's what heaven is. You get to make sense of your yesterdays."

Quote from one of my favorite novels, deep spiritual  meanings 

The Five people you meet in heaven.

Also recommend. Tuesdays with Morrie ..

Mitch Alban.

This is the greatest gift God can give you: to understand what happened in your life. 

Guess just missing pushing that Son of mine up steep hills.

It's was always a good upper body workout, always a privilege, nearly always ended with a café visit cuppa then bite to eat. Guess Matthew, just miss pushing your Wheelchair with you seated, up steep hills.

Mind you

Champ, sometimes

We 

We're

Beaten.

Find long way

Round.

You always liked rich churches with history, Icons, sense of time. Sunday occasionally you'd find Cathedral. Spend own time, discovery in own pace.

There again find Church café. Such period quietly engage. That reflective studious look would appear. Gently we would slumber around the place. You again sharing something you had discovered.

We can all learn that way of being' in the presence of the Lord. Some people don't get spirituality here in these well tapestry rich' places. But you led here, many like Matty find a solace being alone. Something from the walls embraced and enveloped you. Took me a while to understand, your sharing became clear such moments where special. Again in the way many discover own theology, own understanding of God. Today in my heart we visited a place you would love.  Hope the many who find your awareness of God feel blessed the way l do today, thank you son. Guess I know not here but in my mind you remain.

Some of the most spiritual advice l can share with You.

1. Store your vinyl upright on its side. Never store it flat – this can warp the record

2. Do not touch the vinyl itself – always handle by the edges or the inner label only

3. Protect your vinyl from dust – store vinyl in the dust jacket and don’t leave your vinyl on the turntable after playback

4. If you have issues with playback try light cleaning with a carbon fibre brush

There is Love that sits on the settee alone, Wishes you were here.

We heard your name called out with 'memory of those gone before'. After the service sat for little while.

There is love that just sits quietly, like the old lady who cleaned the Church floors.

There is love that brings the Bread for communion we all partake. There is Love in the service preparation . A weekly Love that is portrayed. There is love that sits beside a bed as care is displayed. Love that keeps no score of the times Hospital visit was made.

There is love, that sees a White wagtail, doesn't know who to tell. There is Love that built that nest. Further love finds that nest, there is love sits at back of Church not knowing what comes next.

You my son have passed, Matthew, you are officially the Late Mr...There is Love that sits on the settee alone, Wishes you were here.

 

There is love that fights for justice. There is love that makes sure a Loved ones message is not forgotten.

When it’s tough , go out into Nature, Find God…plus young lad looking also at nature.

Growth does not reside in comfortable 'Boxset' binge Sofas in safe comfortable late nite TV culture.

They say if want to find God look into nature, there you will always find him. With tear stained eyes l also look and see you Son, exploring with your binoculars, at edge of river, that’s us place called 'Falling Foss'. there is Matty daft thing…picking up then rubbing ‘Owl pellet...’Turn to me discuss your findings. Some day l will have a walk, plus in my mind try take counsel with you. Later Return home, to miss you….So much Matty.

 

Growth does not reside in comfortable Boxset binge Sofa.

We are missing appointment to listen. We are missing appointment to gather. We are missing appointment to engage.

We are missing appointment to develop..my Friend Masied has-been last 4 years in hospitality industry with limited scope, in fact none to grow.

We both discussed , recognise lack of communication, less opportunity to develop, appears little desire to create community. Process in which we establish community has largely lost its value.

This instant 'Boxset' watch it immediately culture.

Has lost the values collectively  of listening with whole body, value of engaging deeper. Values of belonging even with those not in complete or partial agreement with.

We are poorer in spirit and character. These values do not get cherished. So we sleep in danger zone. 

Growth does not reside in comfortable 'Boxset' binge Sofas in safe comfortable late nite TV culture. Away from others.

Love good communication the kind that opens us up to display our honesty enables us to understand each others humanity.

Today can be struggle.

One Of my favourite writers on Faith, (500 years ago he cropped up)...became hit with me back in 1979...resonated because speaks about need for simplicity. If God wants everyone we cannot rely on the basis of ability to understand endless polity,mainly the need for individual response..

That's the core of following Jesus.

Holding a faith close, learn more,discover more, understand more. Share and serve.

Had an uncle named Matthew

He was his fathers only boy

Born just south of Hedon ,near Hull.

He was his fathers pride and joy

Friendship,faith, was just the things that he was raised on.

Love a part of way that we lived and die,

Gold is just a windy East Riding wheatfield. Blue just a Yorkshire summer sky.

All the birdwatching stories that he told us.

All the memories that he gave us.

All the good trips we had.

Yes, nature was just the thing that he was raised on Animal husbandry was Matt's way to earn income.
Well, I guess there were some hard times.
I'm told some years were difficult.
He had a health scare in his early 30’s

But nature, bird watching, just the things that he discovered. 
For a while he went to live at Dads house.
He came to work, see nature in nearby land.
He came to ease Kevin's burden,
And he came to be our friend.

So my theological session getting going.

Got asked today. Why was David such a ....(censored by me)... Answered Generally he was damaged.

How come God allows such character with bad traits to represent him?

The focus was on Old testament. But discussion mainly stayed with David and Samson, one a King the other a type of Judge. In OT Judge Dread vian.

What heard asked are ..Why OT families stories along with illustrations so wicked. They are flawed, Not good character traits.

Often Hollywood portrayal is pure glorified.

OT image is not broken, accurate record flaws are visible.Its Us, it's ourselves, our families, community we may exist among.

Do you recognise yourself,our tribe, local environment. Cultural norms.

Despite this God still calls us. Still recognises us, still values us. With flaws. With tempers,reluctance,way we are hesitant. Perhaps selfish desires and behaviour.

Like NT characters those traits still visible.Yet Jesus still choose people who are flawed to become, 'fishers of men'.

Just touching base with you son.

Hundreds of competitors from across the UK and Europe have been putting their skills to the test in a major sea angling competition in East Yorkshire.

The European Open Beach Championship is held over three days along the coast between Bridlington and Spurn Point.

Just connecting with you Son, let you know won't be going there, it still bit to close going places without you. Feeling cold a bit as well Matty.

magnified understanding of others ?

If you wrote me off, I'd understand it

'Cause I've been on some other planet
So come pick me up, I've landed
And you will be so happy to know
I've come alone, it's over

But I opened my eyes and walked out the door
And the clouds came tumbling down
And it's bye-bye, goodbye, I tried
Down comes the reign of the telephone czar
It's okay to call
And I will answer for myself

There is definite connection in words you hear in a song. (Talked about this often.) This songs about damaged person in a troublesome relationships.

There connexion between the flight of a plane, away from reality, between emotional literacy, added drama of life.

Grief is bit like that ,there been an ending. But the 'Landing' is about understanding...Where l am now,?What's this new place?

How do we now function in different way of being. Some people don't grasp, understand they are removed from 'What you are handling', they just see a different process to be completed. 

Bureaucrats need you fill in a form. Attend a meeting. NO.

When l land, understand better. When l feels it's correct. When l am enabled.

Not really talking about having become new person, just grown, experienced life, missing son, magnified understanding of others sadness further.

It's learning new perspective.

Returned to Blustery windswept caves on coast.

Happy birthday Loved and missed.

'Here's you', caving on the coast smiling, content. Filled with gratitude, Always ready for a cuppa, writing your notes. In the blustery cafe on Cliffs.

Happy birthday Matthew.