oops got all of these...Broken heartiness!

Cardiac issues well isn’t simply a case of not getting enough sleep. That`s age issue for myself. Fatigue can sometimes indicate a cardiac condition. another of the symptoms of heart disease, weight gain which includes a fluid buildup in the body. Also include a loss of appetite, yeah in on that one..

My heartbeat is erratic on a regular basis, Arrhythmia is the medical name for this OLE heart beating in an irregular pattern. 

My legs swell up in funny places and one gets very lumpy around middle knee. its very odd the name for this is Edema, swollen legs,and is caused by fluid retention, the legs and feet are the most afflicted regions of the body since they are so far away from the heart.

Here one that`s confused but troubled me, calling it `Resting toe pain` that isn’t caused by tight shoes could be a sign of a dangerous disorder called aortoiliac occlusive disease.  It occurs when the iliac artery that brings blood to your legs becomes narrow or blocked by plaque. Symptoms can include pain, numbness, or cramping in the lower limbs.

Further sleep disorder is caused by a cardiac condition. As a result, insomnia should be taken seriously. along with water on the chest which is in part due to a lack of air in the lungs, breathing is difficult in this situation.

Add one that could be possible in a variety of other causes but also common in cardiac issues , becoming Forgetfulness and experiencing mild confusion. 

Worse one for me, because of pain level, is  migraine. Which does produce  pulsing , very severe throbbing pain on one side of the head, usually only one side. Migraines affect a large number of individuals nowadays, and they can be caused by a variety of circumstances.

Anyway here is a slow ramble around my major illness and some of the ways in which it affects me.

God bless.

Why did Jesus have issues with some parts of the Bible?

What's the best bit in the Bible...
Believing in it...
What couler should the Bible be.
Any couler as long as it's Read...

Gavin Millar KC, a barrister who specialises in freedom of speech law, responds to the Crown Prosecution Service arguing that parts of the Bible are "abusive" and "no longer appropriate in modern society":

 So why does the Bible (in western culture), begin with stories of creation, and not Job.?

Stories borrowed from other cultures.

Why did Jesus have issues with some parts of the Bible?

Christian Concern, which works in tandem with the Christian Legal Centre, issued statements about this case to the press in the past week, but there has been virtually no media coverage of it, despite its potentially far-reaching implications.

As a Christian Bible got inappropriate 'stuff', this is true' not called to follow the Bible and we cannot simply pretend otherwise ...

Jesus responds nearly every time the Bible was quoted...

"But l am telling you..."

lot of my tribe struggle with Bible still need to debate argue, construct, agree, disagree, be at odds...carry on believing. Following learning ,living and Loving.

Those 'without' are 'without for longer'.

 Those 'without' are 'without for longer'.

Those 'with' get more support for

making 'those without' suffer longer.

Hated being out among the shopping crowds yesterday
it felt mean, stuff was expensive ,tatty and not required.
suppose if looking for an `OLD GIT` Rambling
on in the twilight of his life.
welcome hate shopping, miss Vinyl, plus feel old.

I hear you...

If l am struggling with difficult conversation further don't want argument.

My go to reply is this...

"I hear you".

Saves misunderstanding..well that the theory. Others hear...'He agrees'.

Process of avoiding  a view that l am not liking is to make that this response.

"I hear you".

But again brings me to ask..Are we actively listening to what is being told to you.

Used "I hear you".  at least one time this week.

P.S. Mad in UK this Day, apparently it's big sale event. Black Friday.

My other Church that l have attended a lot.

 A world that l am only `presently visiting`, where the poverty of loneliness means some cannot get spiritual into LIFE, but search for the active listeners ,Then can find salvation in connection. 

On visits to London as `younger general Music buying fan` Off the tude into HMV, then went across to Virgin Megastore , followed finally unsure why ,Tower Records , to my mind appeared to hold more soul music. Not so main scene. Think it was in that order. Spent hours in those places, my Church for another day. Sad nowadays we struggle to find Music buying places to invest a wasted few hours.

If Everything Falls Apart Around You…

…there are a couple of things you are going to want: You are going to want someone standing beside you that you can trust. You are going to want your family around you, and you are going to want them to have your back. You are going to want to know that you did not do some goddamn stupid thing to bring all hell down on yourself. If you are lacking any of those when that crisis comes, there is a high probability it will flatten you and you will not be able to get up. It is bad to be laid low. But to be laid low, and to know that you were at fault for it—the things that you did, that you knew you did that was wrong brought you here—I think you have nothing to stand on in that situation. And that is also the circumstances under which I think you are more likely to be abandoned by the people around you.

Addressing the TOXICITY of my Tribe.

 There is a guy in New Jerusalem, seen a gathering only one he not allowed to mix with. No one is. Says to St Paul.

Why the wall in the center of town,

The one built so high cannot see over it, everyone pretends its not there.

Heard some voices, bit like that scene in `WATERSHIP DOWN` where fat Rabbits read poetry ,but also preventing the `Rabbits on a mission` getting to another place.

Who are these people on the other side of the Wall, sat in Group, backs to the Wall, talking in Depth.

Oh them its the `Nomad Deconstructionists`. They like to be separate, contemplative but inactive , pretty selfcentred.

St Paul laughs, They Would go Nuts, if they found out Kingdom Frontier people like you had got in,

As on earth we keep Precious souls apart, in own little world.

“There’s something about the way that masculinity hegemonically is constructed right now that boys feel like they have to distance themselves from their more tender, more vulnerable emotions as a way of belonging to their social group.” Quote from Nomad podcast speaker called Hillary McBride.

HEGEMONICALLY , not even sure it is a word, bit like woman power, 

Its one of those concepts, like a Fashion.

It relates to process within my Tribe,(Gatherings of followers of Jesus.) Also known as Church.

Nomad Sojourners make a Claim that Church leaders made up of TOXIC , which presents as strong, powerful. Which results in, well therefore Church leaders able to control others.

But l feel got to be pretty weak to allow this, not saying that it not evident.

But asking how widespread does TOXICITY relates or Manifest, or is even, as an idea  present in Churches. How many are like this? 

Deconstructionists provide little evidence to support presentation.

Another claim is that nower days a different `hegemonic spiritual power` has sought to force its will on the mainstream Church.

They talk about what toxicity presenters inherited, Often relates to a minor conversation. 

This mainly `white, middle class, educated ? WOKE, vegan gathering` have experienced.

Appears to be little work related experience from the traffic of life

 Pub ,collage,University ,Church when with parents. Hear nothing about Mission field.

Not going hear about factory floor, apprenticeships, hard graft, or sporting venues.

When did Mission ,serving others, gathering to debate,discuss, argue,` fallout, fall in `

go out of fashion.?

Why did l not get the memo?

Zoom and social media is not a good substitute for gathering.

To fail in a conversation is not to fail at all.

These deconstructionists never appear to give in, Monthly and together they meet to promote despair,talking about defeat, books they have read, often cite Vegan food, brand of clothing, higher educational gathering.

Never speak about serving others, issues of poverty injustice, concerns of inner cities, prophets words and Biblical information seldom is evident. 

One thing l find hard to really forgive is some of them wear baseball hats at mealtimes, that just takes the Chocolate digestive.

Zoom and social media is not a good substitute for gathering. But perhaps is where they feel safe away from a world that brings Challenger and intercourse with some who may not agree with you.

One thing I've found, Only thing I've ever found

 Sailboats sailin' a crystal sea

Gypsy dolphins runnin' free
Seagulls circling endlessly
Callin' me home
Mocking bird, butterfly
Sunset colors, ah, they're filling the sky
Newborn baby starts to cry
Callin' me home

I've been most everywhere
A man can go
I've been this whole world round
Yes, I have
And I've seen most everything
A man can see
One thing I've found
Only thing I've ever found

When I was lost and all alone
I took a look on what I'd done
You know, the only love I've ever known
Was callin' me, callin' me, callin' me
I heard Him callin' me home
I'm going home, going home
I'm going home, I'm going home

I hear you calling me,Calling me home

Oh where gonna make some
Rock-'n'-roll this winter
Now my teenage heart as said hello to you

Not sure what it is..but when

l am at a seaside place,

get urge for all kinds of 70's music.

But this visit, the winds blew.
The chill factor was evident.
I felt old,pulled my collar up
withdrew into Cafe, there was a shocker waiting

 Cheapest cuppa was £3_60. Suddenly felt very old.
My life has included many moments walking cliffs, heading to supper bar. Loving the waves. Knowing ships are in Harbour. Little ones are safe.

 Foxes are on the Prowl. Not shy creatures.

Bold plenty more then previous.

Time has flown Autumn arrived.
The storms plus waves of November now come crashing.
Love of God still visible. Bag of chips still warms one.

 Echos in the closed sea battered empty fairground. Soul singer
laments for summers lost love.
" I hear you calling me,Calling me home"

 

Wizzard's early rock & roll tribute Introducing Eddy & the Falcons

 

Saddens me that Roy wood somehow never gets the credit for mega talent he has displayed.

Always introducing Kids to old stuff and they introduce me to their music. Wizard pure joy to share.

Latest toxicity from my tribe...

Apparently male toxicity been issue in Church and has damaged members.

But toxicity of mocking those not appearing as `Woke`, as you have become.

Well that's same issue.

Plus the narrative around Luke's Birth of Jesus is not true.

There was no Roman world wide census.

There was clear need for working males to travel to the place of birth.

But cultural, logical 'Mary' .Being so far into pregnancy would have stayed with family.

But does that change my understanding around the Story.

How should that affect our belief insider stuff?

Who supports the Faith community.

Can the Faith community keep engaging with huge issues? when the safety net is torn,damaged and needs strengthen from some other source.!

It is well documented that food banks, Charity, low-cost shopping, is where people gathered to survive.

Compassion, kindness, grace all in short supply.

Cash resources and gifts are also pretty short supply. People tell me they feel so exasperated.

Understand this, more so also witness the burden has increased.

We can not do the required task.

Nor fulfill Systems that rich Government

Should be providing.

It part of spiritual

Journey to challenge

Lack of provision . 

Important to questions Government Failings.

Must do more than'Watch the Gap'.

want YP to experience the `traffic of life`

If you close your eyes

and take a deep breath,

you can hear the small birds sing in early morning.

The grey sky's have been same couler for three days above us.

Unsure if l could do young again,plus!

There are no turkeys planned for this Christmas.

Shops are suggesting ham and Pork joints.

Cheaper.

God, hope you know its a difficult period.

This is concerning myself.

There seems to be a keen desire on the part of elite environmentalists to use young people as a kind of stage army on the climate issue – a tool of emotional blackmail . To hassle world leaders into eco-austerity.

Why should you like me be bothered? Because l want YP to experience the `traffic of life`.

To snog, drink wine, stay out without parents consent, get a 8 til 19-00 hour job on apprentice wages for few years.understand how important it is to Fail at something.

Disrespect rules.Grow hair long if guy, wear make up if a girl.

When growing up and young, discuss,debate, argue in Church or another gathering.

Take part in sport be part of a team. Further hold a piece of vinyl in hand ,smell that Vinyl , look at gatefold sleeve and listen to that Vinyl.

To dance, run .climb hills, fall down and cut knees.

To know that your best mate at 15 will be `someplace else while you are some place else`, a few years later.

To reject God and Find God all in the same year.

The `gang that gather' with has issues.

 We called ourselves Christian, then when got clever,perhaps not wiser.

Tried using 'followers of Jesus'.

Some Churches experience in,local to me sadly not presently confident nor able to recommend that others meet up at that home.

There is further another concern. Don't do Zoom meetings. But local gatherings feel toxic.

Plus not welcoming of heretical behaviour that some `like me` display.

My Gospel is a 

Tabloid Gospel.

It's found in rock music

Stories from newspapers.

We dance, argue, express doubts,question, discussion, conversation, like `preach ` to be short, often interrupted. Noisy, more often involves food.

Best part Tabloid Gospel is messy, fun, has desire to be inclusive.

Don't care too much for 'end times escapology', not interested in whose heading for hell.

Scruffy relevant, Match of the day chorus singing, Tend to sing Folk song.

Hate worship music. Eat hamburgers drink Alcohol occasionally.

Tabloid Gospel with frontier folk.

That where l wanna be.

Miss hearing the song...You are everything and everything is You.

Even now, I wonder where you are tonite.

 I don't have a great problem being ill nor shorter life is expectancy.

It's not being unfit,able to run, needing tablet's, Even the pain bearable. 

But missing out on seeing more of you.

Gonna miss the music, wondering have l snogged enough, held hands as often as should. Starred into another eyes.

Snuggles on the couch. Cooking someone's favourite meal.

Walking by a lake on Boxing day, stopping to sup on mug of hot Bovril.

Laughing as sit on promenade bench to try get sand out from toes.

Listening again to Diane Ross singing...."ooohh You are everything

And everything is You"...

Long conversation looking acros to you as try to explain . . . well anything.

Even now, wonder where you are tonite.

 Struggling to combine a 'God of Wrath'.

With 'God is love' narrative.

It's probably the most difficult issue when sharing faith l following.

It's like most common reasons for many choosing not to follow God purpose.

His personality appears flawed,damage.

Not easy topic to discuss.

So gonna read some, discuss and reflect my view 

in faith and questioning...

 Wrestling with questions, around Bible, Faith, Jesus, Even the traffic of life, Perhaps recognise these as doubts, l feel they are not.

But this can be a lonely, further an isolating experience, also lead person to become more detached.

Churches, Christian tribal gatherings should be places for debate,discussion arguments.

Growth and further development.

We all Live in the traffic of Life, that all about a belief in this person, practice, behaviour, guide,stuff called following Jesus.

How should you react, when conversation is boring!

Been struggling with people who are boring.

Finding them hard to listen with .

Unable without offense to respond correctly.

Indeed want to walk away.

Keep getting stuck in traffic of life situations

l do not want to be among.

Refuse to feel guilty about not enjoying

Some conversation nor source.

Open and honest also means,

Not comfortable with this possibly nor are you.

I ain't no Saint...

But most of you know that!

Getting up.

 Visiting cafe.

Told been closed for two years.

Time flies.

Climd a mountain

Pulled up Sox's

Finding my feet

Soon be stronger, work to keep oneself healthy.But must know limits. Stressful periods lead collectively to poor condition. Diet, work, balance,more focus are all connected.

Good open quite spiritual conversation.

Being open person feel people recognise warmth. That leads to opportunities for honest deeper conversation.

But religious topics have to be approached with caution. Must not judge as others sense of God could be so differant from my own .

Discovered a lot.

Maybe too retreat from everything is not the way. But presently it serves a purpose.

Trying to breathe.

Trying to get my health improved.

Trying in lots of ways to avoid the news

trying to listen to more music.

Because we have too.

Sometimes we just have to breathe.

let the world pass, step off and move away.

Breathe, watch TV, listen to my Rhyme.

Let life happen around me.

Maybe too retreat from everything is not the way.

But presently it serves a purpose.

So l am still here, but trying to Breathe.

 

Too old for Facebook

Not good looking enough for Instagram

Too young not Trendy enough for Tik Tok

Guess I'll have to be a `follower of Jesus Christ`.

His blood never fail me Yet.

Jesus' blood never failed me yet
Never failed me yet
Jesus' blood never failed me yet
That's one thing I know
For he loves me so

We honestly don't appear to chat about big thing's.

 

We decided to present to each person another view of how we are. To each other not truthful.

So big stuff doesn't get spoken about. The deep stuff.

we get by on Level 1 never going passed superficial .

Always should aim for ..

Open , more Honest, vulnerable communication.

Jesus with me everywhere . . .

BONO.. The Bible held me rapt. The words stepped off the page and followed me home. I found more than poetry in that Gothic King James script. … I’d always be first up when there was an altar call, the “come to Jesus” moment. I still am. If I was in a cafe right now and someone said, “Stand up if you’re ready to give your life to Jesus,” I’d be the first to my feet. I took Jesus with me everywhere and I still do.

U2 sang laments, crying out, “How long?” and a mournful “We could be as one.” The band was more prophet than dissident, aware that underneath a sense of injustice was a hope for restoration.

 Would like to go back to those days discovering anew faith, friends and the first time heard the music of U2 , the issues we were facing, Love we had yet to meet, Plus that old bomber jacket l wore called it Gloria..

Often wondered what happened to that jacket.

Out this morning,very early 6 a.m. The lifeboat crew with helicopters, ambulance Crews, working to rescue others from 03 -15 this morning 

Well done and gratitude to many helping others, while putting own life at risk.

Alive few future practical steps.

So I’ve taken a fresh look at `my end of life`,   How l Inform others last plan. I want to keep the process simple as possible otherwise, with all other stuff can become a task that not helpful nor fun.

Here is my 'step by idea process' approach:

 What information do I know from memory.

DOCTORS

BANKS

HOSPITAL

FRIENDS

OLD CONTACT

BILLS PAYMENTS

CAR DETAILS

What information do family, friend's need to look up?

What needs a bit more thought and discussion? 

Who are the other people to be involved here 

Who can help, provide support and with what?

What practical steps do I need to take - who will have a copy, who has a spare Car,house, key?

Blue badge,bus pass, passport whom may be blessed enough look like me, so can use them?

My Vinyl collection, books, etc...

 

How can I keep it up to date?

What else can I do to be “Ready for anything!”

Alive

 When I see nature

Crescent moon, starfields

Corn waving in the breeze

Golden Autumn coulers,yellow,red leaves, when feel chill factor.

Later Hear sea crashing across peddles as weak sun rises in morning.

Walk along sun kissed shadowy promenade.

Watch dozens of birds ..yellow hammer, goldcrest, pipin, magpies, starlings, Merlin, Egret s, Buzzerd.

Aware bark from branches, strewn across harvested field.

I recognise handwork plus artwork of force much larger then me.

So this l know, My creator lives.

My theology, sense of God is alive.

My heart sings in worship

I ORDERED TWO CAPPUCCINOS IN MY SUGAR.

 Stones will roll along the bank,fall into flooding streams.

Moors hills and plains will rise like river waves.

This  life begins to fade like dream suddenly awakened from.
The cliff we climbed , mountains that holds a dark cave.
Where Puffins land.
Been thinking of asking wilt thou go with me,
Through this sad life ending
Where memories live, but the presents moments are forgotten.

This is me, the me that`s had rough year of worry around sons health.

This is me, whose reflection on way l am living is here.

Kind of struggling in the present to accept that things will get better, they will improve.

At least l am aware of forgetting stuff,Stubbing my toe, going out coming back asking what l am going out for... recalling past in a too familiar way. 

Doing daft things, yes ordered "two sugars one with Cappuccinos in one of them". Life.