Matty well guess you know, ferried brow, binoculars scanning and flask of coffee within reach.

WITH COLDS loss of Matthew Spring felt like a long time coming, but with new Equinox passing earlier this week. Actually officially entered a new season. But has so often the weather is not catching up, remains bitter. Also this illness is staying alongside myself.

First season when missing, past was grateful to listen, too all the wisdom, knowledge and expertise of my son. One Swallow might not make a summer, but a first sighting of one is a sure sign that warmer weather is on its way. We always went to a `not so secret place, at `Kilnsea wet sands`.

They would be in nesting mode early flitting around our heads. Matty well guess you know, ferried brow, binoculars scanning and flask of coffee within reach. Scanning the river banks, hills and hedgerows for flitting movement.

Now my weekends are silent, hedge rows not so busy, no flask is made up for the day.

Presently feeling like best way, don't know what would have done, so ill, retching, coughing, not sleeping, echo cardio meetings, chest X-Rays, doctors X 3, hospital visits. Silence. Long Silence, empty Long silence.

Reluctant to address'others' challenges with LIFE at present. My memories brought back another alone time, handing over the keys to group who hired out our coastal retreat. Its late, my connection later then expected so during a storm, sat in a wild wind swept coastal Public house waiting for some one. A song comes on the jukebox...its silent and l listen, emotions catch me up, in these lyrics.

So many words we didn't say
Two people lost in a storm
Where did we go?
Where'd we go?

We lost what we both had found
You know we let each other down
But then most of all
I do love you
Still

We played the games that people play
We made our mistakes along the way
Somehow I know deep in my heart
You needed me
'Cause I needed you so desperately

We were too blind to see
But then most of all
I do love you. . .