One way to measure is by looking at the content of conversations y'all are having or the level of disclosure members are sharing with.
A helpful tool for me to determine this is the Levels of Communication. The framework is typically used in marriages, but it works just as well for friendships in my opinion (as most good marriage advice does and vice versa).
So let's take a look at the levels:
Level One: Hallway Talk- “Fine, how are you?” - Having a cliché conversation.
Level Two: Reporter Talk - “Just give me the facts.” Reporting facts about other people and events.
Level Three: Intellectual Talk - “Do you know what I think?” - Exchanging ideas and opinions.
Level Four: Emotional Talk - “Let me tell you how I feel.” - Sharing feelings and needs.
Level Five: Loving Genuine Truth Talk - “Let’s be honest.” - Risking complete emotional and personal truthfulness.
Is it a perfect framework? No. But can it be helpful? Absolutely.
Ask yourself today what level you think your group or even your friends are on. Then ask what's one conversation you want to start that will add the next level of depth.
You shouldn't go from one to five in an instant, but if you're conscious of all this and how it works, then you can slowly and surely lead the way forward in the direction of intimacy. AND know when you're close
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