But you can't .... Faith is tested but Hope echos.

 You wish you could but LIFE goes on and you , you just know it's not easy ..so on... because all the darkness is temporary. How ever difficult it feels in the long now. It will make sense ..just not now.

No more.....

 

No more will you explode with the footie news.
No more will you hold close your grandchildren.
No more will you makes us envious at the meal at ethnic restaurants.
No more will a bike ride to work exhaust you on cold winters morning. No more can you comfort your partner of 30 years like now as she questions why did you get taken suddenly.
No more will you make a joke that everyone laughs at. 
You can't see the wonderful tributes that are pouring on social media Facebook platform.
No more will you stop enquiring of youth .."How is life really going mate"...
No more will you pull up at your youngest brothers house with an unexpected gift.
No more can we wind you up...or ask you to take it easy. 
Phillip you were my brother....not first person to lose a brother. Death holds a sting Death has this moment taken you ..Tomorrow the Kingdom bible passages like when we lost Matthew plus Mum and Dad they don't make sense. Not at the moment.
No more shall l wonder if we spoke enough. No more as yet,  not in the present.

What can we say ....

 I have no words not can l explain adequately the lose but stand here today on a day as younger brother of mine has died. Goodbye Phillip. Rest in eternal peace.

We never know what is ahead when a new day arrives. Ended up reflecting along Matthews lane.

At times they felt like the coldest days

 Worked in East Hull for few years was very much learning so much forever grateful those in Christian community also on the frontiers. Guess in lots of ways l was not doing well it was a new profession the learning was steep the hours very long. The Anti social nature wasn't a bother to myself. Confident lost out socially. But of course l was DJing a great deal so my income became less of worry. The Tailoring trade has died  my mentor had passed away.

Further l was a new single parent. Life was hard, tough plus difficult, so many beautiful people and my family were so supportive as Kevin found his place in this changing world. Issues we still encounter today were becoming the nature of the position. Homelessness, criminality among the youth, anarchy, poverty, Apaphy I felt so unskilled so nervous at times great deal out of my depth. Wasn't the only one. So willing so supported. God's hand was clearly guiding me. 

"Wish l didn't know now
what l didn't know then."

At times they were the coldest days of my LIFE....BUT SO VITAL RICH AND ESSENTIAL.

Faithless was present.

My first paid youth and community role was as a development officer on a blighted estate in East Hull. Coming from large working class family in same town never know how deep the poverty was. How come you could be asking. Already worked since leaving school at 15 with no qualifications. Apprenticed into a trade then whole bottom fell out of that industry ..( Bespoke tailoring replaced by cheap ready made imports)....

We never knew where the wage nor decent living would arise from,  so very many where experiencing the very same thing. The very same resolution and detachment from decent standard of living.

We pursuviered, then got more qualified further wages improved. Questions arise how come my family plus friends had got better standard of living .? How come we stewarded better? Why was poverty there so much more evident? 

Getting to know the client group plus their families, found there was a lot of faithlessness, no sense of values like the ones we used, that others held shared and used to live lifes! Then we arranged activities the committee disliked our mention of God or Jesus plus the Christian faith. This was very active. But the funding and volunteers were provided by faith followers they spoke against. It was like a false grip held them and the estate. There was a real lack of Christian presence.

That was one of my primary learnings. It changes return to that another time but that awareness was unmistakeable and clear.

100% again..

It's dark it's grey it's chilly it's cold.

The economy bottomed out poor are not getting support the Labour government don't care they trying to re-enter European Union.

The corrupt practices are evident in the lives they lead. The lies mount up. They focus on the Champagne corks they burst out while poverty grips, poverty bites, poverty sucks the life's from those whose everyday experience it been their misfortune to be born under.

Poor housing and Dickensian homes overcrowding dirty and cold homes lived in by many who cannot afford the heating on.

Streets where pensioners pull curtain shut at 6 retires at 7 in bed to stay warm with clothes on waking up at 3 in the following morning finding room too cold. They travel on buses smiling at strangers engaging in conversation That mean so much  to them...but nothing those receiving the communication.

That season never leaves. That condition never gets addressed. It's shameful and that blight remains.

What do you see when you look at this image ?

Do you see the influence of a Japanese artists?

Have you got appreciation for the couler ?

Can you spot the East Yorkshire town featured.

There a warning plus a tragedy captured only a few months ago so many questions not yet versed not reflected deeply!

Heartache tears and pain gatefold into a image.