Do we get the Churches we deserve .. . Seen a responce too disabled applicant ..you haven't recent experiance 

Yeah l was 17 months recovering from Quadruple heart surgery   . .

Yes well that why can't do this work!

ON OTHER NEWS WORTHY THINKING

Another time, Jesus said, “When you light a lamp, do you put it under a basket or under a bed? No, you put it on a lampstand. When you feel God’s love, don’t hide it. It should shine out from your heart and give light to everyone around you. The more love you can give, the more you will receive.”

Do not trust Greta Thunberg, the 16-year-old Swedish,` non thinker`. Captured world media’s. WHY? Myself her motives I mistrust, fact that she is a child, mistrust, gives bad advice complex political issues, despite her protestations contrary, Simply has not done her homework.

The vegan taking over so many agendas is something that others discovered, are people filled with hatred. Mainly toward those, who do not accept the view they hold, follow, and believe.Its a new religion, its pretty hateful towards non believer's.

The next four years flew by....Was l perhaps at my happiest here?

 

The Milliuenum arrived bringing new opportunities l was working in both the Uxbridge road developing as a manager of east youth services in town of the M25.

London brought great chances working among mixed race groupings here was place wanted to be, boarding with family who have experienced loss of a son.

 

The work was so exciting; Rewarding to put it mildly, recruited a team of Asian, Italian,

afro Caribbean and some Roma volunteers.

Some females, males, all beautiful human people had a vision clear about Youth work we could develop.

• Street presence
• Art club
• General youth work evenings
• Drama
• Lots of trips
• Mixed in with local politics, augmented our responses. 
  
  

Ended after 12 months the other work l was doing in Cleethorpes supporting young adults mainly done this on my return to my flat on sands of east Lincolnshire.It had been finically rewarding but physically it was demanding.   

      It was not possible as the role in London became permanent to keep both tasks.   Moved to live Todmorden, it was long drive  up M1 then M25 ,but the housing situation never going to change

                The next four years flew by....Was l perhaps at my happiest here, huge relationships some exist to this very moment .It was secular position , for long time felt so valued ,appreciated. Confident about ability to do this youth and community work.  All the values of a mixed race environment where ours.

Had very few cliental who were English white in our client base. perhaps only 20 out of 300 monthly contacts we worked regular among.but as happens wicked behaviour surfaced..

 Someone with a Psychotic behaviour pattern causing trouble on a personal front

 

life, is hard worse thing you get one chance to live it.

Relationships are key to how life might progress!
Despite my life going successful at last.
A relationship committed to belong,was not good.
l could not know that...
Despite all the training and counselling gave to others,
relevant training offered myself.
l was blind
l was in love
l was optimistic

life was hard
the road was difficult
it was me . .as much as another . 

no one can say would have done things different, its like choosing 12 records for desert island. Tomorrow it will be 3 more that important to myself...mistakes are made in LIFE
Hope you get this...because we all make mistakes..in work plus relationships
We are meant to be growing developing
LIFE is hard
The road we should move along is the one that is less travelled.
Did not know, grasp all of this
neither will l blame another.

life is hard,
relationship are key.
Hungry years of Grimsby and Anfield. Where no training for  work after that, nor the period travelled in, at that time.
life is hard.
Faith not nourished, being in a new situation found ,we had real support,
Felt uncomfortable,
but cannot point to any lessons or deep learning.
LIFE  felt for a while, like constant struggle and spiritual attack.


Kind of like having own deck chairs on titanic, it felt colder, there had been something approaching.
Lost something precious, something even now, wish held onto something that disappeared.

life is hard, worse is, you get one chance to live it.

how we see ?

We see things not the way they are, But
rather we see them the
Way we are . . .

With 14 million people still locked in poverty across the UK, it’s shameful that this problem is not being tackled in the way it so sorely needs and deserves. There can be no more excuses for inaction.

With 14 million people still locked in poverty across the UK, it’s shameful that this problem is not being tackled in the way it so sorely needs and deserves. There can be no more excuses for inaction.

The politics where well suppose different to ones l held,

What l was reading was leading me 
and the discussion was not always
 with like minded people.
This was part of my inheritance.
from Church and Secular background.

constantly in youth community work, meeting many good caring people.

The politics where well suppose different to ones held by me, the social engagement upbringing at time was very different, often among people with love for young people .Strong commitment to battle improve their whole in life.

Moving to Liverpool all my previous knowledge was valuable from volunteer in local Church to harshness of outer estate community's in Hull and Grimsby.

Liverpool was beautiful, its people found a place in my heart.

Not just one called Roz, but many as worked the streets of Anfield among group of Church folk from very traditional also some from radical Christian stand point.

But the issues were larger, isolation was becoming more the norm as with the position.Drugs more evident, plus the gang culture was well established, better developed, longer traditions then previous.

Moved for short while work along side the ,`Church Army`, guy role included title,` Corporal,` that l did not approve of.
Army  . . come on, he was useless as community worker.
But as l was learning he had accent and education that suited the Church.

We had the best music and played
loud using drama,and music had some great occasions.
Schools work where `hangin around `during dinner times and play periods.
There been a near killing of  member of staff.
so l was drafted into difficult issue.
took nearly year of just hangin around to gain credibility.
But was also active on streets of Anfield.
However we suffered from under investment.
developed despite this, formed some great relationships.

never

Human beings often get it wrong in how we communicate

“Unless we take bold action to solve poverty we risk undermining what we stand for as a country.”

Moved from Volunteer in the faith community, Baptist at, Cotty rd Church, basic observations,fruitful but limited training useful.....truthfully fell into job, with select political organisation in voluntary sector.. . .
East Hull  urban estate.

• accountability,
• structured recordings 
• more reading around issues
• Specific training 
• wage

Next position still local, urban estate in Hull .Became part of Government funded position, leading to professional route into Qualification.

Soon feeling confident in myself and the title of role l was playing.

`...I would be Fibbing` ...Youth  and Community work was not more challenging for a Christian.these encounters as l was discovering on pit face, work place, on street corners,

Appeared Dark but persons where warm,helpful,creative,interested.
Poverty holding people back.




If we were called to be the light of the world why was it not shining here.

Social conditions including my own and lot of colleagues was difficult.

Still True this day...if not worse.

“Unless we take bold action to solve poverty

we risk undermining

what we stand for as a

country.”

My friends, Minister and others were supportive.

Sources, experience, ideas, understanding, knowledge.

All supplemented by own interpersonal skills, deep listening, questioning, social interaction, conversation ,speaking  and unique ability to record.

Spiritual gift of discernment vital to me.

Human beings often get it wrong in how we 
communicate.

This vital lesson forming much of my early steps both into Adulthood ,and Role of youth worker.

All sorts of discovery taking place as grew into this position.

Mr T died, l was about to move away from Hull ,that city by the sea,except it not it placed by a river 21 miles from east coast.

Gained diploma from University, although it never felt like l was at University 

as it was practice based study.

Further sadly It was in my home town city

Moved into space where sole focus was doing the job

Has progressed in youth work two main things happened. Emotional, physically,

Moved into space where sole focus was doing the job.

Earning better money.
but had `nature plus purpose` around what l was achieving . . .
Becoming more qualified deeper learning was taking place...like many in collage also University lots of people who 
inspirational methods, ideas ,workings, understood.
felt like gathering, first placement seen me in Grimsby...

but next came Liverpool.
great times.But difficult issues..Death and abuse wickedness and of course aware of poverty.

My faith was bringing me into further contact with good people
concerned people
learning people
Jesus works people
Reading much more ,further writing in different way to share my thoughts,feelings and study around youth work issues.

Not sure my family where greatest priority. But that was not deliberate.

 Of course a certain `forever angel came into my life. Mixed up pretty vulnerable we soldiered on....making some sense but perhaps lacked clear focus.
Although Growing ,had no way explore where we was going
nor how it was mapped out.
Insight easy when looking back from here....
not every place or experience was kind to me...
you see the song put`s it better 
 . . . . . Turn a different corner and never .....
Glad for these rough periods, learning wisdom gained,experience was invaluable....but not sure here and now..not sure it was necessary .

. . .The years rolled slowly past . . . I found myself alone

THIS WAS HOW MY LIFE WAS SHAPING

• Fell into youth work
• Worked for Polish survivor of `concentration` camp
• Was from a large family
• sporting interest and pedigree
• love of soul music and part time DJ
• Faith growing
• Professional moved into Urban youth work on outer estates of` city one letter from Hell`.
• Onto Grimsby and east marsh
• More outreach
• Gaining credibility ,Further qualification

Felt like was moving fast, perhaps l was unsure know making some mistakes,

should l have worked harder on relationships.

Learning so much....fun hard difficult testing stuff discovering new ideas...faith was being skilled in tough environment.

Against the wind
We were runnin against the wind
We were young and strong we were runnin against the wind

 . . .The years rolled slowly past
 . . . I found myself alone
Surrounded by strangers I thought were my friends
Found myself further and further from my home.. .

 I Guess I lost my way
There were oh so many roads
I was livin to run and runnin to live
Never worried about payin or even how much I owe . . . .

 . . .The years rolled slowly past
 . . . I found myself alone . . .But had this sense of mission ,doing God`s will , needed,vital spark to . . who l am.

What life is about. . . being away and anti social hours ,that the course of events.

Although was never having as much fun as they imagined

music was always telling me a narrative from mid`70`s and my faith journey beginnings.

There was this wrestling around relevance of the new psalmists

Dylan words  . .poetry  . .then his Christian faith already spoke to me.

But they say he `not really...not really...a Christian`

That another of that system errors l kept running into.

The narrative spoke about stuff wrestling with...

That was another of those system errors l was encountering...

Led to accusation still got recently

l was a liberal

A liberal backslider

. . 

Trouble was it was attractive, this liberal back sliding

Although was never having as much fun as they imagined

Truth was my marriage of

•  new faith Christianity..
• Commitment to kingdom principles 
• relationships away from `right one` crowd..

Life was fun..

life not easy game

Burnt my hand

Trapped my finger`s 

Lost something precious

Life it not easy game

silence all you here . .

The Bible tells us almost nothing about this mysterious day sandwiched between crucifixion and resurrection when God allowed the whole of creation to live without answers. It’s a day of confusion and silence.

That not easy
it been like `here and now`

LIKE BLOGGED BEFORE AND RECENTLY

Further it not anything like correct way to behave
l know it sounds heretical
that not what l am saying
nature speaks
relationships speak
humanity shouts
TV is wicked in its murmuring
Church feels weak in voice
God appears silent

Let preachers preach it, choirs sing it, kids unwrap it,
* Pubs host it, rulers fear it, mothers hold it, 
* Cynics see it, artists tell it, angels yell it, 
* People with heads bowed low perceive it, 
* Those with debts unpaid receive it, 
* Those with doubts unprayed believe it, once again

Easter 2019

So not where should be

Not who want to be

Need to be wealthier 

Health needs sorting

Not with person want to be with,nor am connected with anyone

But on a green hill far away. . . . ... long long time ago 

Something happened an historical fact

Me

I believe 

That all l know about Easter 2019

THAT HELP?

Truth should be `listened to`, that always the primary
Truth is complicated 
Uncomfortable
Changes as we grow and develop
Some truths remain.

Week of Jesus’ resurrection is his first week home from prison after a very public arrest, trial, imprisonment, and death sentence. His closest friends do not recognise him; they are frightened and mistake him for a ghost or a thieving gardener. Jesus’ experiences in the wake of his resurrection look startlingly like those of every other formerly incarcerated person.

Paths, Journey, Route became clearer.

Then this tiredness hits me....feel further frustrated, worn out only 14.00.

But also annoyed by guy who all conversation is based on oneisum.

All fashioned wording was` notice me`.

Notice me, that second time l asked him to hold his words ,await till got time .

Relationships that are based on boredom best left between a man and `ole fashioned woman`, who happy to allow kind of `verbal bullying`…. that was displayed towards myself.

Most of my life l was fit healthy and well. Cramming lot into long days, but pretty happy that never really felt employed.
It was passion, simply what do best, still not sure should use word`, Ministry
With encouragement fell into youth work.

Fell into further education. As already shared, been expelled from rotten education system that failed many like me.

Good fortune that became qualified going to higher education, for English and maths exams.

Sporting certificates,

Then counselling certificates

In service training was something l enjoyed

As my vocation began to take shape.

Slowly l was changing,

Faith grew

Intellect progressed, (?). You can make own judgements here.

Sense of who l was, didn`t grow up , but got older.

The paths, the journey, the route became clear.

But also l began to move away from my home town

Its was early eighties. Hull was not place wanted to be, Nor is it the place l would stay.

Time well spent

For some in Christian faith, there this fear of Art and academia.

Had this love of art, music, films, than picked out themes to help `many` wrestle with faith.

Non linear way of working started to enable hot topic development of my doctrine and even liturgy.

Others hinted at comic book ,informal education way of communicating.

Analysis exploring how the message was sent.

further how it was received.

Are we telling relevant stories about faith development?

analysis . . . . exploring how the message was sent.

further how it was received.

Are we telling relevant stories about faith development?

Spent some time in the zone of mindlessness.
We called it spiritual development
Alone with God.

Time well spent on way to Church . . .
Where in `cafe style` we developed  off beat kinda liturgy which sadly was self centred.
Mainly dominated by a person close to suffering a breakdown

Explored the landscape and the fields.along the hedge-grows and skyline.....but there was nothing out of the ordinarily ....


caught knack from my son...bird watching delightful pastime

These incredible sunsets.

some people can do the thing 
envy those who draw... write ...create..
Struggle with writing stuff along with this illness get awful tiredness . . .
But always been struggle

Can talk well



Put me in uncomfortable

but writing stuff along side essays and columns its too linear for me..not how my sense intelligence work best

96 fans who will never be forgotten

30 years ago today, 96 children, women and men lost their lives at Hillsborough. Our thoughts are with all those affected by the tragedy and the 96 fans who will never be forgotten....
Here . . . (around this time)...
I was to meet forever angel.....
. . working as the Anfield parish youth worker . .

Christians sometimes also call this week The Passion. There is little doubt that passion is what is being stirred on the streets and in the schools of this country and beyond.
Indeed, 
perhaps the sort of righteous anger and urgency that takes communal and peaceful form in protest is the most holy thing we will see this Easter time.

Did not know that you got paid for this beautiful thing

However as worked out these Kingdom principles.
My journey was placed in scene, other Christians were evident.

Did not know it was a profession
Did not know that you got paid for this beautiful thing
Was discovering that here was something l was called into!

Vocation
Ministry
that was for others.

Not kidz from large family on council estate, in a city called Hull
one letter from Hell.
Northern county near the coast.

Did we get called in to mission?
were given Vocation by God! 
All heavens must been laughing
what was l thinking...

Like now being on the edges was place known the most.

life felt pleasant and music became important,there was kinda tension between lyrics and faith journey.
Took me a while to wrestle, iron out rough stuff that was mostly to do with mixed value platform stood upon.

Church could appear this middle class social club; here we had values like feet on table,

No loud music

Hair cut clothes and speech

Educational attainment

Professional culture

Swearing (of course),and dating

Sex not discussed

UFO for sure we chatted about

Piano music

manners

Kingdom principles became exposed the theology l was discovering brought these values more to the front.
mercy
seeking justice
humbleness
concern for others
stewardship
serving others
all very frontier stuff ...

     my journey moved me further to the edge, 

but coming from my place a large family on working class estate in northern City Hull, one letter from Hell.
The thinline between there and my outpost in professional sense was narrow.
Like now being on the edges was place known the most.
it may sound cool but don`t truly recommend....not for growth in society nor Church circles
Admired for working in this place...well not sure of even that..

However as worked out these Kingdom principles my journey was placed in scene other Christians were evident.

TEST

 #KnowYourBloodPressure @looknorthBBC

A swift, simple test could catch this condition before it develops into more complex illnesses.

1. Serpicoserpico‏ @spiritodelarue now
   

   Replying to @NHSHullCCG @looknorthBBC

   problem is this..when you ask What is my blood pressure? what is my heart beat? why do you want sample? what did my sample show ? etc... treated like intruder seldom given correct answer.

everything has reason

Doctor   

Appointment   

Blood taken   

Sample

Tests  

Cardiac unit   

discussion  

Results  

Feeling tired   

Medication

Thank God its life

life after school

Found faith and this feeling of surety around God, his son Jesus, was with me,despite up and the downs success, achievements, failures measured in my life.

That feeling of God with me ,relevance of Jesus teachings stays.

Wrestled with what Music should l Listen To, As DJ this was issue.

Than films where the themes suitable, would l become compromised

Where does l go, who do l hang around with. Complicated enough as young adult older teenager but add faith element stress increased.

Working stuff out.

Getting grips with values verse beliefs

Testify or keep quiet

Witness or be ashamed

All hot topics

But plenty good folk around in Church, at Cottingham road to share views with, we had `after Church fellowship`, good sermons, encouraged seeking answers.

In Gym good people as well.

Emotional literacy we grew up in, well it was rich.

                  Me today, suppose that l am result of their investment.

Time people took to listen. Not just to myself but friends, siblings, some strangers.

Life shared with my own

Discussions we involved with.

Quiet moments encouraged not to walk away from.   Longer periods of discipleship,       

Nurturing, further one to one mentoring.

All beginning to mould myself.